Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

It’s that time again…

I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW THAT BEEF STEW AND BLASTED CHICKEN WERE SUMMONING COMPONENTS!

I love my job.
I love taking care of my family and making sure that my girls have whatever it they need to go out into the world and want for nothing.
Need clean chonies? Done.
Living room cleaned up before and after guests come over? Cake walk.
Dinner prepared? CROCK POTTED LIKE A BOSS!

But the fridge…oh the fridge…

Everyone has that ONE chore they dread doing, that one thing that they just have to suck it up and power through, no matter what.
Shits gotta get done, right?

The fridge is the bane of my existence, and it’s my own damn fault because I’m too generous.
I cook in bulk. >.<

Hey, don’t pass judgment, you try feeding yourself, a wife and an 11 year old whose stomach is bigger on the inside. So, I cook in bulk to generate enough to feed us the night of, as well as produce tasty leftovers for the wifes lunches and for our ‘Fend’ nights (Leftovers Nights).

The problem is that not everything gets eaten…

iPhone Snapshot of what I saw in my fridge this morning. They were upset that I interrupted their poker game.

The result of this is that, roughly once a month, I open my fridge and am exposed to mind-shattering new vistas of reality.
The contents of the tupperware containers of a thousands years align, opening a portal to unknown and terrifying space.
Things. Blink. At. Me.

I’ve already kissed my wife good-bye and ferried her to safety, and soon I shall do the same with my daughter.
Then, I will open the portal. I know not if I shall return, or what state I shall be in if I do, but I know that this sacrifice must be made for the good of all.

Avenge me should I fall.